She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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