I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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