so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
