She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
