Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
