I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
