I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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