Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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