So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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