i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
