You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
