Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
