I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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