if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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