i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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