I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
