Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
