dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
