How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
