I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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