I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
