my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
