let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
