god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
