This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Sacagawea was the original milf.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
