I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Be still, my beating vagina.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
