would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
