You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
