forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
