She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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