i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
