the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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