I just cut my nipple shaving
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
