I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
