Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize