Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize