ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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