Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
