census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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