I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
