So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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