Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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