remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
