I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
