dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
