I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
