He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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