I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
