i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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