my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
