dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
