i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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