I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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