I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
