The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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