Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!

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(616): View more from Michigan

it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.

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(912): View more from Georgia

you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.

(919): View more from North Carolina

That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.

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(618): View more from Illinois

i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.

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(937): View more from Ohio

pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...

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(613): View more from Ontario

it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole

(1-613): View more from Ontario

im not talking about this

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(703): View more from Virginia

To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car

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(303): View more from Colorado

please don't ironically join a cult

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