I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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