i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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