just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
