So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
