Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My ass is underappreciated
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize