Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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