he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
and you fell through a lawn chair
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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