I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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