we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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