someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
