Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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