I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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