I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
