The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
