The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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