How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
