yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
