I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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