Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
