even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
