You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
