stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
