My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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