i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
