Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
