My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize