sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
