Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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