shes about as inviting as chlamydia
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
