guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
