it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
