You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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