I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
