he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
