oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
