brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
