he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize