just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
