ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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