I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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