I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize