i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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