Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
