Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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