Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
