hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
