This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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