i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
