shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
