Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
