I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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