i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
