I think i peed on brittanys purse
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
