i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We were destined to go to rehab together
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
