Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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