I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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